After Yin and Yang
by Aruna Hart
Summary: What would have happened if the events season four's finale "Mr. Yin presents" had ended differently? Shawn's about to find out as his world crumbles around him.


Shawn Spencer sat silently on the pier watching in shock as Abigail walked away. In his mind he could logically understand her decision. He could mentally hear his father's voice smugly directing him to look harder at the signs, and he would have seen this coming. Their disastrous second 'first' date when Yang had surfaced and kidnapped his mother, the push to introduce her to Henry when he wasn't ready, the delay in telling him about Africa, the lack of any communication during that trip…

However, Shawn wasn't being logical right now. Yin and Yang maybe psychopathic killers, but they had made him realize that he wanted more. Suddenly everything was clear. He was tired of the lying and pretending. He wanted a normal life with a wife, a house, 2.5 kids, and a pineapple. Okay, so maybe not so normal. But he did want to share his life with someone.

Sure he had his dad and Gus. He trusted both with his life. But there was a difference. He knew that one day his dad was going to get older and need assistance, and die. Gus was eventually going to get married, (well remarried if you counted the whole Mira incident). And where would that leave Shawn? Like Mary, obsessed with the work of a serial killer, or worse yet, become the criminal? He didn't want to live his life that way. He wanted to live life to its fullest potential every day, and if that meant making compromises with Abigail, he was ready.

The only problem was that she wasn't.

He saw it in her eyes when he told her. He knew exactly what she was going to say. She had seen one too many crime scenes. She'd been away from him for too long. They'd been on a doomed path from the start. But it still hurt to watch her go.

If Gus asked, Shawn would say it was his idea to go separate ways. Seriously dude, it'd be cooler if it was his idea, right?

As soon as the police had cleared him to leave the pier, Shawn rushed to the hospital where Juliet had been taken after her rescue from the clock tower. He'd hitched a ride with Buzz, because his dad was nowhere to be found and his truck had suspiciously vanished around the same time. Shawn thought that the man would have enough decency to offer his son a ride home and make sure he was safe, but it was just par for the course. The man had raised Shawn to be able to take care of himself, and this was one of those situations. All the way to the hospital Shawn thought of what he would say to her. 

"_I'm sorry. I'm glad you're alive! Abigail is no longer an obstacle. We can proceed with a relationship, dinner at 8?"_

Nothing he thought of seemed like the right thing to say to her. They had been dancing around their feelings for months. When Juliet had taken her move Shawn had already started a new game with Abigail. After she had left, and Juliet was put in the hospital Shawn had been on the verge of revealing his true feelings for Juliet. But Gus and Lassie had blown that opportunity.

Shawn walked towards the hospital desk, unsure for the first time in his life what he was going to say to the woman who sat at the desk. Gratefully he didn't have to worry, because he heard Lassiter's voice from down the hall.

"I want to know as soon as you find ANYTHING!" Lassie barked into the phone, slamming it shut.

Shawn breezed by the desk and approached the detective. "How's Jules?"

"Shaken, but oaky. They're finishing her exam now. Why are you here? Thought you'd be latched to that girlfriend of yours."

Shawn couldn't help but notice the bitterness at the end of Lassiter's statement. He ignored it and replied. "I decided she would be safer without me." He tried to make his way past Lassie into Juliet's room.

"She dumped you, huh?" Lassiter perked up a bit. "You're not going in there." He held up an arm blocking Spencer's path. "Authorized personnel only, and you're not authorized."

"I want to talk with Juliet," Shawn pleaded.

"Detective Lassiter!" an unfamiliar voice called from inside.

"Please Lassie!"

"No, not this time Spencer." Lassiter felt a bit of rage building up inside of him. Yin would have never taken his partner if it hadn't been for the harebrained idiot standing before him at this very moment. If the kid didn't watch it he'd soon find a fist in his face. They might not have captured Yin, but Shawn was the next best thing to take his frustrations out on.

"At least ask Jules is she wants to see me, let her decide," Shawn begged.

"DETECTIVE!" the voice called again.

"Fine!" Lassie disappeared through the door.

Shawn's hopes soared. Jules would let him see her. But the startled, piercing "NO!" echoing down the hall in Juliet's voice shocked him. He was shaken to the core, and if he hadn't been leaning on the sofa he probably would have fallen over. Shawn could think of no other reason why Juliet would scream 'no.'

Dejectedly, he left the hall and made his way to the hospital entrance. Where to go now? He'd over heard the police radio on his ride to the hospital with Buzz. Gus and the chief were back at the station. Gus could always make him feel better. He hopped back into McNabb's cruiser.

"Everything okay?" the concerned officer asked when he saw Shawn's face.

"Yeah, great. It's just been a long day."

"How's Juliet? That was a short stop."

Shawn sighed. "She was fine, but they were still doing some tests and wouldn't let me see her." Buzz was satisfied with that answer and within five minutes was had driven back to the SBPD.

Gus and the chief were talking in her office. Shawn stood at the corner where he could hear, and not be seen.

"I'm very proud of your actions tonight, they saved the life of one of my officers and I don't know how I can ever repay you for that." Shawn heard the chief say.

"There's no need chief. I'm just glad that Juliet is safe." Gus sounded very tired.

"Mr. Guster you've been an invaluable help to this department over the past few years, especially when it comes to Mr. Spencer's antics. I know that it has been difficult for you."

"Well, I'm used to Shawn by now. I could put more effort into my job, but it would be like leaving an eleven year old at home alone. Sure they can sort of feed and clothe themselves, but they need a responsible adult to make sure they are properly cared for, pay the bills, and bail the kid out of trouble."

Did Gus really see him as a kid that Gus felt the need to care for?

Vick continued, "I've been thinking about this a lot Mr. Guster. I have hired Henry as a liaison between Psych and the department. That will impact the amount of money the department will be able to pay you both. I know that Mr. Spencer tends to use all of the funds from us, including your share. I know that he is your friend, and you would never want to appear to be disloyal to him, but how would you feel about receiving a separate check? We, of course, would tell Mr. Spencer that the reduced amount was because of the new position. You would receive your payment in addition to still having your name on the check to Psych. I just want to make sure that your services are being compensated for."

'Gus will never go for that Chief, will you buddy?' Shawn thought.

"Are you sure that Shawn won't find out?" Gus asked.

"Positive unless he has a vision telling him otherwise."

"No, he won't 'see' it. Shawn has to be already thinking about something like this to see a vision." Gus stood up and shook the chief's hand.

"I'll start the process of the new payment setup right away. Again, good work today."

Shawn quickly fled the station. He ran until he reached the beach. Pain filled his head. Gus really felt that way? Why hadn't he said something? Well he probably had, but Shawn had always assumed Gus was okay with it. They were friends right? Friends helped each other. Sure he wasn't very good at paying people back money, but when Gus needed him, Shawn was there.

His phone rang. He stopped running and answered. "Hello?"

"Mr. Spencer," Chief Vick's voice came over the line. "We'll need you down at the station in the morning. Yin is still out there and I'm not playing anymore of his games. Understood?"

"Yes, an…"

"I'll see you in the morning." She hung up before Shawn could say anything else. No word of congrats or job well done.

By now Shawn was almost to the Psych office, the red 'O' still painted on the front window. A psycho. That's what he was. Shawn had trusted them and when he needed them they had all abandoned him. It was almost as if they blamed him for what happened. The killer hadn't resurfaced until Shawn had presented as a worthy opponent. The wackjob had only gone after people who had a connection to Shawn, people that Shawn cared about. The three most important women in his life were almost killed, and Mary (he felt a connection to the man) was dead. His mother was afraid to come near him anymore; soon after the yang incident, she had stopped calling him completely. His dad knew where she was, but not Shawn. He hadn't seen her since that night.

What did his life here really mean anymore? Holding out hope that he wasn't discovered as a fraud and be imprisoned? Apparently, he had no one that he could turn to. Lassie hated him, Juliet wanted nothing to do with him, Gus thought of him as a kid that needed taken care of, Henry had abandoned him, and Abigail had left him. What did Santa Barbra hold for him anymore? The only reason he had come back was because he considered Gus like a brother to him, and missed their friendship. But Shawn had been mistaken. The red letter painted on the glass was an all too clear reminder of his recent painful realizations.

He couldn't do this anymore. Shawn had finally reached his breaking point. The lies, the arguments, the accusations; he was tired of playing the fool. No one every took him seriously. He was the joke of the police station. His entire life was an act. He hadn't been himself since coming back to Santa Barbara. This case had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. He was stressed out, exhausted, and fed up. It was obvious there was nothing here for him anymore, what difference did it make to him if he stayed or went.

Shawn walked silently into the Psych office. Though there were lots of toys, trinkets, and what-ya- ma-call-its around the office, he actually had very few personal effects. It was all part of the charade that Shawn realized he'd been playing for far longer than the few years Psych had been in business. A few photographs, some clothes shoved into a backpack, and he was ready.

Shawn wrote a quick note and left it on the desk along with the lease for the building, and a few other official documents. Grabbing the backpack, he walked out to his motorcycle. This was one of the few times his cursed gift was useful. Henry had taught him years ago about disappearing and how to find someone who had done so. Henry also had taught him about keeping useless stuff. Crooks were often caught because they returned for some dumb possession they couldn't do without, or home owners killed because they refused to leave their valuables.

"Be ready to leave in an instant, don't go back for anything. When looking for a crook follow the money trail, banking records, credit cards, checks, and phones. When they flee they forget we can trace all these." Henry's voice echoed in a memory. Shawn smiled slightly; Henry had no idea at the time that he was teaching his own son how to escape.

Shawn always kept a stack of money in a secret compartment in his bike. He had no items that he just had to keep with him. His phone sat resting in its charger back at the office. It was just him and the open road for at least the next twelve hours till he ditched the bike.

This wasn't like all those other times before, his job hopping around and touring the world. He was done with that. This time he didn't have a failsafe. He couldn't go home, because home didn't exist. He was starting over. A new life, a new home, and this time he was going to stay there permanently. Shawn got on the bike, the afternoon sun beating down on his leather jacket. He revved the engine and drove to the nearest highway headed east, never looking back.

The next morning Chief Vick sat in her office. She was tired and her head ached slightly. The previous day's events hadn't evoked a restful night of sleep. Karen knew that she had been very curt with Shawn, but she didn't know how to react to him. She blamed him for endangering her officers, but she also was grateful for his part in saving them. She'd blown up at Shawn, but he really couldn't help the fact that a psychopathic killer had his sights fixed on him. Shawn couldn't help that his ability made him a target. But the more Karen thought about it, the more something bugged her. It was a statement that Shawn made after the Chief had asked him if he had any idea where his girlfriend might have been taken.

'Only if you were psychic'

What did that mean? She'd spent half the night questioning that statement. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

McNabb entered her office holding a stack of papers. "You wanted my incident report from yesterday when I got drugged," he stated placing the paper stack on her desk.

"Thank you." She nodded, looking up at the officer. His eyes were drawn and dark circles were underneath. His face was a pasty white. He looked as bad as she felt. "You should have taken the day off McNabb, no one would have minded. You went through a lot yesterday."

"I know," the junior officer responded. "But I couldn't help it. Everyone else is here too. Well except Detective O'Hara, and Shawn, and…."

"I understand," the chief stopped him before he could list the entire roster of those who hadn't come to work today. McNabb left, and the chief picked up her phone. It was something Buzz had said. Shawn hadn't come in today.

Karen found that very odd. Sure, he was usually late, but the killer was still on the loose and aiming for Spencer's family and friends. She knew Shawn wouldn't desert them. His cell rang with no answer for several minutes before she hung up. Maybe he had spent the night at his father's house.

"Hello?" a groggy Henry answered the phone.

"Spencer, it's Vick. I need to speak with Shawn."

"He's not here." Suddenly Henry sounded wide-awake. "Last time I saw him was last night at the pier with Abigail."

"Do you have her number?" the chief asked urgently. She could get it herself, but that would take time.

"I'll call her," Henry said. "You try Gus." He didn't wait for an answer. The next thing Vick heard was the dial tone.

Gus answered on the first ring. "You've got Burton here," he said smoothly.

"Guster, this is Chief Vick. Have you heard from Spencer this morning?" she tried to ask as calmly as she could.

"Chief, what's wrong?" Gus had spent enough time with Shawn to know when there was trouble.

"I can't locate Shawn."

Gus was surprised, and didn't know how to respond, his mind flooded with a million possibilities of where his friend could be at the moment.

Meanwhile, Buzz reentered the office. "Chief, Henry Spencer just called and said Shawn wasn't with Abigail."

Angrily, the chief slammed her phone onto the desk without hanging it up. "So the last time anyone saw Spencer was last night at the pier?"

Gus was still listening at the end of the line, a chill making its way down his back.

"Chief," Buzz answered. "Is Shawn missing?"

"No McNabb, that's why I've spent the past half hour on the phone." She answered sarcastically. "It appears that he never left the pier last night."

"Yes he did," Buzz answered innocently. "I drove him to the hospital. He went in and spoke with Lassiter and checked on O'Hara."

The chief reached for her phone to call the detective.

"But he came back out a few minutes later."

The chief gripped the phone tightly, her lips taut. "Then where is he?" she demanded curtly.

"I drove him here. I thought he talked with you. We walked in together, and he headed towards your office."

The chief's heart fell to her feet. At the end of the line, so did Gus's. Shawn had heard their conversation.

"Thank you McNabb," the chief dejectedly dismissed the office.

"Sure chief," Buzz left the room unaware.

Karen let go of the phone and held her hands to her face. What had she done?


End file.
